Monsoon

I knew it wasn't going to be good news when my Dr's office called the next day regarding my biopsy. The nurse seriously started off by asking "Are you in a good position to talk? You're not driving or anything? Because I really need all of your attention."


Yeah, that's a great start. Thanks Nurse Nancy.


Well, they believe that I have cervical cancer. I have the highest level of abnormal cells (CM3) which usually means that there are cancerous cells somewhere on the cervix, if the CM3 cells aren't cancerous already. Since I have been getting tested for this so often, they are sure that they caught everything early, and that the cells recently changed to this high level. They are starting off by doing a LEEP/Electrocautery procedure to see where the cells are coming from, and how deep into the tissue they go. I have spoken to a friend who has undergone this surgery, and she says that it is not much different than the biopsies, and its close to painless. I am not too worried about the procedure, even though they are literally electrocuting my insides and then cauterizing the wounds (sounds like fun!) but they have asked me to get back on birth control, because getting pregnant right now, would complicate the situation.

So, after a year and a half of waiting, dreaming and praying for a baby, I am being told to wait longer. I am trying my best to think positive, and I know that "The Lord will provide" and "Things will happen when they are supposed to" should be my daily motto, but I just cant help but be angry, frustrated and tearful. Its so hard to be told one day that you "should be pregnant in the next month" and the next day informed that "you'll have to wait."

Not to mention, the word "cancer" is never what you want to hear. I have been reading a lot about it, and my friend Shannon and I were joking this morning that cervical cancer is "The Good Cancer" since its rare to die from it, and once its removed, there are usually no further complications. Not to mention, women who have had their cervix removed due to this disease, can still have children.

So right now, I am praying for a better attitude, comfort, faith, health and new shoes :) I think I deserve them. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be with family this weekend, even though the reasons for the reunion are sad, and Im sure it will be an emotional time, I am really excited to be with so many people that care about one another. I am also so thankful for my husband, his support and the pretty flowers he brought me last night.

I know that many of you are praying for our family right now, and we appreciate those as well.