Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Us in June

We got a few updated picture of our family the other day, thanks to my parents. We went to a park near their home and got a few shots. I am so happy to have these.

So, we have started the adoption process. We havent wanted to make a huge deal about it since it's such a gamble, but we are officially waiting and hoping for a birthmother to chose our family. Oh, the torture! It's all I can think about, but we are so excited to see what is in store for our growing family.

Sam is so excited to have a brother...even though we are open to a girl as well, Sam is sure it's going to be a boy. When the homestudy agent came to our door last week, Sam exclaimed "Ah! My baby's here!!" It was heartwarming to see him so ecstatic and also so sad to have to explain to him that the wait has only begun.

So we wait....

Friday, June 22, 2012

Week in Instagram - 5

1. Seattle skyline. 2. Father's day game watching. 3. Fingerprinting. 4. Nick's band. 5. Head wound. 6. Daisy feet. 7. Sam and Rex. 8. My handsome boys. 9. Lots of paperwork. 10. Bizzy in her chair. 11. Sam's boots. 12. Taking a walk. 13. Corn for the girls. 14. Sam, peeing in the shower. 15. Guests welcome. 16. Brisbane.

Embrace the Camera - 6.21.12

Man oh man, this is my life. Sam falling asleep 2 minutes after leaving the house, and 2 minutes before arriving at our destination. There are many times I just sit in the parking lot for as long as I can to give him the best nap possible. Good thing God invented smart phones and talk radio for times such as these.

Notice the giraffe? Yeah, they are everywhere. I'm pretty sure there is one in every room and every car. Sam sure loves them.

Oh yeah, and I put on lipstick today. For no reason. Sometimes it's just fun to "get ready".

That is all.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

So, here's the thing.

I have ZERO desire to ever get pregnant again.

Zero, my friends.

If I was guaranteed to have the same pregnancy that I had with Sam, I would do it 100+ times. It was so fun and easy, two things that will not happen again for me when it comes to carrying a child.

Because of the blood disorder that my body creates against a fetus, I would need to go through some pretty scary treatments involving needles, needles and some more needles. Did I mention that I HATE needles?

Every 7 days, from 12 weeks until birth, I would be given an immunoglobulin suppressant transfusion which is basically a low dose of chemotherapy. The side effects are usually minimal for the length of time that I would be treated (nausea, lowered immune system, headaches and lack of energy) and the results are recorded to be very positive for the newborn.

My fertility specialist talked me through the treatments and assured me that they would do everything it took to make it easy on me from adding a PICC line to putting me on anti-nausea medication.

But for some reason, it still doesn't feel right.

In order to get pregnant I have to take chlomid. Making the decision to swallow that tiny pill creates extremely high anxiety for me and I feel as though I am going to lose my mind.

I want more babies more than anything right now. Beautiful, smelly, crying, hungry, cuddly babies. But I worry about the complications, risks and NEEDLES that will take place if I make the decision to go through with this.

The worst fear for me, is losing the child.

Emotionally I don't think that I could live through the guilt I would feel if I proactively chose to get pregnant knowing the risks of NAIT. I also fear that I would blame Matt for anything that went wrong since the only reason I have to get pregnant, is because it's very important to him. I fear being sick and stressed and the emotional toll of all the negative things that could happen.

I recognize that there is absolutely a chance that I could go through another pregnancy and give birth to a perfect, healthy, little baby. But alas, I am a mentally unstable pessimist.

I dream every day about adoption. It's something that I have always wanted to do and I feel very strongly about bringing another child into our home through this experience. However, just as I am uncomfortable about a pregnancy, Matt is hesitant about adoption. His fears and concerns are normal and I understand every one of them. But I feel completely the opposite.

He is passionate about what he hopes for, and I the same.

It's a very frustrating time for us. We have been trying to get on the same page for a long time. We have had lots of very emotional conversations but nothing has given us that 100% feel-good-about-a-ddecision feeling that we are both wanting to take a step forward.

We have looked into meeting with a counselor, someone who can just take a biased stand to both of our opinions, but insurance doesn't cover such a meeting.

We both realize that because of our disagreements,  Sam may just have to be an only child. Something that neither of us want...but, in order for our family to grow, one of us must cave.

So, which extremely stubborn adult will it be?

Answers to come.


Sunday, June 10, 2012

Week in Instagram - Week 4

1. New lego store. 2. Ice cream cones in Leavenworth. 3. Sam's salamander. 4. Choke hold on Brimley. 5. Daddy's new shoes. 6. Working hard. 7. Airhead. 8. Chuck-E-Cheeeeese! 9. Holding a rosy boa. 10. Rehearsal. 11. Baby swing and a big boy. 12. Mommy and Sam. 13. Pretty drink. 14. Not a cloud in the sky. 15. Green tree boa at the Reptile Museum. 16. Kitty waiting for sunshine.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Matthew gets his MBA

After 2 years of hard work, Matty graduated from the University of Washington with his Masters in Business.

We are very proud! And even more excited to have our Daddy/Husband back.

(Not the greatest family picture, with me freezing cold and Sam fresh from a short nap)
Ben, Matt and Shauna. A few tears were shed for Jan, who I'm sure would have been so proud of Matty.
Good job, Baby. :)

Sarah turns 30!

 This weekend we celebrated my BFF turning 30 by Riding the Ducks in Seattle while dressed in our best 80's attire. We were so lucky that the weather was perfect, and everyone had a great time!
 My bench mate Kaydee and I enjoying the view.
 Bella and Lily on the water.
Gassworks park in the sunshine. It's been raining since...
Birthday Girl and Mullet Man.

After our lovely ride through the city, we drove down to the water to enjoy a Seafood dinner at Chinooks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH! You are the greatest friend anyone could ask for. We have been through 6 years, 3 babies, 2 states, long car trips, bowling injuries, inside jokes, late nights and party after party! Here's to many more!!!