Monday, June 01, 2015

Have hope.

"Once you choose hope, anything is possible." -Christopher Reeve

In all of the heartache and loss that our family has lived through, nothing has ever made us lose all hope. We have always known that if we keep trying, our family will continue to grow. Miles' birth has always been proof of that.

The day that we returned home from a failed adoption in Maryland, we got a phone call. A couple in our home state was interested in meeting us to see if we were the right family to adopt their baby girl. In those moments, the timing seemed less than ideal. We were still coming off of the losses (both financially and emotionally) that had so recently been experienced, but we knew that we had to move forward despite the hesitations.

"Hope shines brightest in the darkest moments."

Matthew and I decided to meet up with the couple, and open ourselves up to another experience, good or bad. After all, we've survived it all. We picked a time and place and stepped forward.

We have had amazing visits and conversations with this couple. They have brought so much hope and faith back into our lives and have already taught us so much about love, selflessness and strength. And they have chosen US to love and raise their baby girl.

Yesterday we had the amazing experience of attending a 3D ultrasound with the couple. After the loss of Poppy it was so reassuring to see the baby moving and healthy. Sam got to feel baby sister kick and Matthew and I got a glimpse into a life we pray becomes ours.

Are we scared at the possibility of being heartbroken again? Yes. But worrying and being afraid keeps us from feeling the amazing emotions of excitement, love and appreciation that should be felt when expecting something so very special.

So, we are conquering our fears and diving headfirst into another adoption plan with so much joy and anticipation it's enveloping us.

While fear is inevitable, hope will win out as we wait for our precious daughter to join our family. Expected at the end of July, she will have two amazing big brothers to protect her, a mommy and daddy that have been through hell and back to bring her home, and two incredible birth parents who have put her above all else as they search for the best possible life for her. That is love. That is faith. That is selflessness. That is adoption.

And this is the path we have chosen to walk with hope, not fear.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Celebrating Sam.

This weekend we celebrate Sammy turning six years old. SIX! How is that possible?

Sam is such an amazing kid. He has such a deep love for people and animals and this boy's heart is BIG. He has proven to be the best big brother to Miles, always watching out for him and helping him learn and grow. 
Sam is so curious! He loves exploring, asking questions and telling me to Google what I don't have answers to. He enjoys experimenting with cooking and baking. Sam says that when he grows up he wants to be a scientist.

He's a deep thinker and constantly impresses us with the things that he figures out on his own. Sam is doing great in school and making so many friends. He is a social butterfly and enjoys meeting new people. 
"Shmool" loves to perform and show off. He loves music, especially The Beatles and Michael Jackson. His favorite show is Pokemon and his favorite movie is Big Hero Six. He is currently taking (and conquering!) swimming and Jiu-Jitsu. He loves to learn new things. 
 The outdoors are one of Sam's favorite places to be. He loves to hike, camp, collect bugs and bird watch. Although he's an avid outdoorsman, he has a great love for fashion and shopping. He wants nothing more than to be with Mommy and dress like Daddy.  
 We are so in love with our Sammy Boy. He has taught us so much about love and acceptance. He's as calm and happy as can be and such a fun kid to be around. Matthew and I feel so lucky to be his parents and can't wait to watch him change the world for the better.

Happy 6th, Bud!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

"Poppy Marie"

Our baby girl was born on February 8th at 1:05pm. She was declared dead in that same moment.

Birth Mama had gone into the hospital on Saturday night (the 7th) after experiencing contractions. When she arrived they admitted her for VERY high blood pressure and did an ultrasound at that time. No heart beat was found.

The next day they induced her and she delivered the baby. Poppy was teeny tiny and the reports show that she had passed away earlier that week from complications, we believe, associated with high blood pressure. Matthew and I were contacted just before the delivery and made our way into Las Vegas to be with the birth mother.

We spent the next day with "Meeka", talking about the events, crying together and giving hope to one another. The nurses and doctors struggled to keep her blood pressure down and so we tried to focus on other things in those moments, but it was hard to get over the loss that we were both experiencing.

The baby had already been moved to the crematorium by the time we arrived in Nevada. We never got to hold her. I am devastated that I will never know what she looked like, see her eyes or touch her hair. But this makes her perfect, tiny footprints even more precious to me. They are something I will treasure forever.

She was named "Poppy Marie" on the death certificate. Poppy was chosen by Matthew and I, and Marie was a name that meant something to Meeka. Her last name was not ours, but that doesn't change the fact that for the last 6 months she has been loved deeply by us and that she will forever be remembered by us.

Though this loss has been hard on all of our family, we have not lost hope. We know in our hearts that there are great things coming for our family. Miles is proof that a rocky road can lead you somewhere amazing. Sam was hit hard by the news, understandably, but we have promised him that one day HE WILL have a baby sister to love on. Matthew and I will stop at nothing to complete our family.

For now, the empty nursery is a painful reminder of what we have lost. However, I am hopeful that soon the room will signify the space that we have for another baby in our home, family and hearts.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

A name and a celebration

Girl names. Something Matt and I have struggled with while waiting for all of our babies. Fortunately for us, we ended up with 2 boys :) This time however, we are 100% sure we are having a girl and it is time to nail down a name for her.

We wanted a name that reminded us of our moms, especially Matt's mom Jan who passed away 3 years ago. We settled on "Jane" as a middle name, combining Janet and Jackie and decided to pick a floral name for her first since both of our mothers are gardeners and love flowers.

We sent a list of our favorite flower names to the birth family. Both the birth mother and father picked the same name that Matt and I were hoping to call her.
We are only 3 weeks away from meeting Poppy and we are all so ready to have her in our arms. Our birth mom has proved to be so strong and sweet and we are looking forward to meeting her too. As we wait for "the call" we prepare to have a newborn in our home once again!

This weekend I was given the most beautiful shower in honor of Poppy's arrival. The family who planned and hosted created amazingly adorable little details from beautifully framed adoption quotes to Nevada shaped cookies (the birth state of our daughter)
Im so thankful to have an incredible support system in my friends and family. These people know the road we took to get here, and are just as happy to be welcoming another perfect baby into our family! Two of my biggest advocates are Jamie and my Mom. Jamie (who threw me the shower) was the social worker to Miles' birth mom and knows all the amazing ups and horrible downs of adoption. I can ask her anything about any of my experiences and chances are she has been there too! My Mom is my "realist" who I call when I need someone to tell me to "calm down, have peace and faith." Which believe me, I have to be reminded of this hourly. 
My friend Rachael, who spent the day with me as we toured the mall kids free, made these ADORABLE lip balms for my guests that read "Lip Prep for Poppy Kisses." I mean, how sweet is that!!?? (Shameless plug: Check her out on Etsy!
Penelope's wardrobe ROCKS. I can not wait to dress up my little lady!
The Dillon girls made us some amazing blankets and burp rags. They have given all my babies hand made items that hold so much importance to me. 
Yes, she will be a Seahawks fan!!!
Leopard Print was a MAJOR theme, which I loved :) Baby Poppy will wear animal print for as long as I have control of her style! 
Sarah got us clothing for Poppy to wear during her TWO planned trips to Hawaii (in her first year). This little lady will be quite the Jet Setter! 
 I can't stress enough how lucky we are to have these people in our life. Adoption is hard and I cant imagine doing it without all the support I have from these wonderful, understanding people. This sweet baby of ours will be so loved by so many amazing people, it will be impossible for her not to feel special too. :)