Below are a few things I heard myself say out loud last week.
"Stop freaking out, it's just poop."
"Quit whining or I'll give you something to whine about."
"Put your toys away and then you can play with them."
(Talking to the dogs) "Sit. Did you hear what I said? SIT!"
"Please let me pee in peace."
"Why don't you pretend that you are something really quiet. Like a turtle."
"You want breakfast? But you had some yesterday."
"Not "weena". Wiener. Weee-NERRR."
"Stop picking your nose and eat! That's gross."
What've you got? Have you uttered anything half as ridiculous as these? Please share :)