Wednesday, February 11, 2015

"Poppy Marie"

Our baby girl was born on February 8th at 1:05pm. She was declared dead in that same moment.

Birth Mama had gone into the hospital on Saturday night (the 7th) after experiencing contractions. When she arrived they admitted her for VERY high blood pressure and did an ultrasound at that time. No heart beat was found.

The next day they induced her and she delivered the baby. Poppy was teeny tiny and the reports show that she had passed away earlier that week from complications, we believe, associated with high blood pressure. Matthew and I were contacted just before the delivery and made our way into Las Vegas to be with the birth mother.

We spent the next day with "Meeka", talking about the events, crying together and giving hope to one another. The nurses and doctors struggled to keep her blood pressure down and so we tried to focus on other things in those moments, but it was hard to get over the loss that we were both experiencing.

The baby had already been moved to the crematorium by the time we arrived in Nevada. We never got to hold her. I am devastated that I will never know what she looked like, see her eyes or touch her hair. But this makes her perfect, tiny footprints even more precious to me. They are something I will treasure forever.

She was named "Poppy Marie" on the death certificate. Poppy was chosen by Matthew and I, and Marie was a name that meant something to Meeka. Her last name was not ours, but that doesn't change the fact that for the last 6 months she has been loved deeply by us and that she will forever be remembered by us.

Though this loss has been hard on all of our family, we have not lost hope. We know in our hearts that there are great things coming for our family. Miles is proof that a rocky road can lead you somewhere amazing. Sam was hit hard by the news, understandably, but we have promised him that one day HE WILL have a baby sister to love on. Matthew and I will stop at nothing to complete our family.

For now, the empty nursery is a painful reminder of what we have lost. However, I am hopeful that soon the room will signify the space that we have for another baby in our home, family and hearts.

1 comment:

Dozen Senses said...

What a painful loss for each of you . . . which is such an understatement I know, but I'm unsure how else to communicate my empathy. I'm pulling for you. I sure admire your perspective, your hope & focus on looking forward to the beautiful things that will grace your family's future.