Sunday, November 17, 2013

Adoption Question and Answer

Do you have an open or closed adoption? Do you have contact with the birthmother/father?

Our birthmother requested a closed adoption meaning that any contact we have with her is through the agency. She requests pictures or letters and then we send said things to the agency to forward on to her. I would have loved to have more contact, but we believe this was her way of moving on and protecting herself from the emotional aspect of placing a child. As far as his birthfather goes, we have no knowledge of his whereabouts or have any interest in contacting him.

UPDATE: We are currently in contact through email with our birthmother and we love to be able to send her pictures of Miles and hear how she and her sweet daughter are doing. We are thankful for the opportunity to thank her and let her know how loved this little boy is!

What do you plan on telling Miles when he asks about his biological family and adoption?

I think that the most important thing an adopted child can know about their beginnings is that although their conception may have been an accident, their birth WAS NOT. His birthmother chose to give him life, and we chose to give him a life. This decision was made with a lot of love and selflessness on both ends. He will always know that he's adopted (I mean, hello! He's black, I'm white!) but he will not be loved any differently because of it. And it's amazing how true that is! We love him no differently than we do Sam and it's incredible how fast our love for him has grown these last few months.

What made you decide on adoption?

I have a rare disorder called NAIT that causes my body to fight pregnancies. To keep a pregnancy viable I would have to be put on immunoglobulin suppressants weekly which is basically a low dose of chemotherapy. Although these treatments have been proven to be successful for many women, we felt that the more safe and secure route would be to adopt. What we didn't know was how heartbreaking and emotional adoption can be as well! We went through a lot to bring Miles home, but we learned a lot of valuable lessons through out our journey.

How did you decide on the agency that you went through? Would you use them again?

We actually worked with a few agencies over the years that were unsuccessful for us. We were referred by a couple of friends to The Adoption Center of Choice in Utah because they needed more families willing to adopt African American babies and they had a very high placement rate. After all we had been through with failed placements, miscarriages and adoption scams, we were ready to take the financial plunge into a more sure agency. And although we are so grateful that we did, we will probably not go this route again simply because of the cost.

What do you know about his birth parents?

Matthew and I actually got to talk to our birthmother a lot and met her and her 3 year old daughter in Utah for dinner the night before her c-section. We love her and had an easy time visiting with her each time. She is African American, 23 years old, loves music and is a great mother to her daughter. We got to know her very well and have nothing but positive things to say about her when Miles is interested in knowing more.

As far as the birthfather is concerned we know very little about him. We were told that he is 47 years old, over 6 feet tall, muscular, African American and has 13 other children. He was not willing to give any support to our birthmother when he was told about the pregnancy which led her to research adoption.

How is Sam doing with the new baby?

Honestly, I think that Sam has adjusted to the new baby better than Matt and I have! He was so excited to get a little brother that any attention that he is now missing out on is worth it. He is constantly asking to hold "brother" and loves getting him to smile. So far so good!

Did you get to hold the baby right away or did you have to wait for the relinquishment time to pass?

We were so lucky to be invited into the OR during the c-section. It was amazing to be able to watch the birth of my son!! Our birthmother decided that she wanted Miles to be immediately placed in our arms and that she didn't want to see or hold the baby after birth. So, after he was cleaned and checked we were put into a small "nesting" room in the hospital where we got to hold, cuddle and nurse Miles only minutes after his birth. We spent the next 24 hours doing just that, and once the relinquishment time had passed (which in Utah is 24 hours after birth) we got to take our new baby home. (which meant we got to go back to the place we were staying while waiting for Utah to clear us to go back to our home state. We were lucky enough to be staying with family during our wait time.)

Will Miles get to meet his birthmother some day?

I hope so. I really do. I am very confident that Miles will know that we love him, and that we are his parents, and I do not feel threatened by him possibly wanting to meet her some day. I believe that he could learn a lot form her. I also think it would be amazing for him to meet his half sister (or any of his half siblings) some day, but it's completely his decision (and hers) and I support him either way. 

How is nursing going?

GREAT! I am so excited to still be nursing. (If you would like to know more about breastfeeding an adopted baby click HERE. )

We are still having to supplement with formula, but Miles is getting about 75% breast milk which makes me very proud. We are also very lucky to have a little boy who is a GREAT eater and could care less how the food is given. :)

Will you adopt again?

YES! No question, we want to adopt again and hope to do so very soon. We will be going through the process a little differently and have a much better attitude about it now that we know how amazing the end result can be.


Colton said...

I'm glad you posted this, I was curious about some of these things. I'm still so happy for you, and I'm super interested to learn where you go next!

merideth said...

i love this!! adoption is so beautiful!! i am sure so hard too. so glad you have baby miles!